Carers Can Still Be Stylish - interview with Kimberly Sara

Kimberly Sara is the Founder of The Style Side.

Kimberly Sara is a highly sought-after stylist, bereaved carer and such a good egg. We’re so glad she is part of The Carers Club and thrilled she is guest hosting our next circle. Kimberley sat down with Lisa Jean Wilkinson to chat a bit more about caregiving, style and how comfy clothing doesn’t have to equal looking like a dag …

1.        How did you become a carer?
My dad was diagnosed with bowel cancer and kidney failure at the start of 2020. My mum took on the caring responsibility for him with the help of myself and my siblings. Over time he became more unwell so she needed extra support. The caring was shared around the family as my dad refused help from nursing staff.

2.        How long were you a carer for?
I find it hard to classify myself as a carer because I saw my mum do such an absolutely incredible full-time job of looking after my dad, and her ex-husband. The term doesn’t feel befitting for me. I would find myself doing a lot of administration tasks for my dad in the lead up to his death. I was closing his legal practice, writing letters and getting the practical things in order. Towards the end it was more physical work, making him comfortable, and supporting him emotionally. I would say it was from about the time he was given 3 months to live, which went on to be 6 months for him. I took him to appointments and tried to comfort him with my company and time.

3.      What did you love about being a carer?

I found it really special to be able to be there for someone towards the end of their life. To connect in any way possible was to alleviate the loneliness of the human mortality. It was a time to look at the thing we are all so afraid of experiencing and to be reminded of what matters most.

4. What was hard about being a carer?
So many things! Being a carer is not just physically exhausting, the emotional toll has such a big impact. I think we assume when someone needs to be cared for that they will welcome it, that is so often not the case. Showing up for someone who is reluctant to accept help means there are feelings of guilt and confusion. Complex relationship dynamics are at play. I found myself becoming increasingly anxious in general. I was also finding it hard to focus on everyday things with this huge, life changing, life ending situation unfolding around my loved one. It was difficult finding the ‘every’ day meaningful in many ways.

Kimberly is based in Canberra and is often sought out for her style advice from media and clients.

5.        What did you wear when you were a carer?

I would fluctuate between making a big effort and making no effort at all with my appearance. Though I always made an effort with my wardrobe selection. Much of my vanity in terms of my morning routine fell by the wayside. Actually, it was quite liberating. I tended to opt for comfort, and found myself gravitating towards more edgy, tough items of clothing – black tights, biker boots, oversized hoodies, sneakers and T-shirts. But then I would do something like throw on a tailored coat and it would all come together beautifully. I think subconsciously these items would make me feel strong and I needed to feel that to cope. I also had a heightened sensitivity to fabric, comfort was key, the plusher and softer the better. I kept it simple, stuck to my tried and tested active basics so it all still felt curated by “me”. I went through a period of pushing back against all femininity, but recently I’m embracing that side of my style again. This has surprised me.

6.        Is it important to wear comfortable clothes when you are a carer?
So important. Often a carer’s main role is to simply sit, listen, and be beside someone in stillness. And then at other times it is the complete opposite. Being comfortable for long stretches of time is important. To curl up and just be matters a lot.

7.        Can you work as a carer and still be stylish?
Yes! There are no rules to say that stylish clothes have to be ultra-glamorous, constrictive, fussy or over the top.

Laid back, well made, comfortable clothing can be just as stylish and allow you to be in the space as a carer without feeling you have lost yourself. This could mean a fresh t-shirt, a comfortable pair of jeans or tights, flat shoes in the style you like best, with a pop of colour bag to brighten your mood. Or it could mean sleek athleisure wear which makes you feel powerful and grounded.

8. Does wearing stylish clothes help your wellbeing as a carer? If so, how?
Yes, I believe so. I noticed I was beginning to feel an insecurity in life in general as I witnessed my dad become more and more frail. In turn my sense of confidence was rocked. Wearing stylish clothing every day does help to instill that sense of confidence. A little bit of chic also helps to remind us that we are still us, we still matter and we still deserve to feel good in how we present ourselves to the world. I think of it a little like this – as the world around us feels like it is falling apart, preserving our foundation, in this case the self and how that is expressed to the world, makes everything feel a little more under control and a little more manageable. Control is in many ways an illusion, but it can be the illusion we need to make reality more manageable.

Kimberly is the Queen of comfy cool.

9.      Where can we meet you? Or hear more about this?

You can meet me over at www.thestyleside.net or @kimberleysara_ and of course over at The Carers Club online circle tomorrow night!

7:30pm Sydney time, grab your ticket here and join us from the comfort of home. You can even bring your own clothing along so I can give you tips! :)